Kamis, 21 Mei 2015


Jadi, baru aja gw nerima 'rapor' kepribadian dari Departemen PSDM HMTI ITS. Salah satu poinnya adalah karakter MBTI. Yang aneh, di tes yang gw jalankan secara online, gw ENFP, tapi dari PSDM, gw ESTP. Nah lho.

Gw kan jadi kepo. Tapi... penggambaran karakter ESTP lebih cocok untuk gw daripada ENFP. Kenapa? Karena semua weakness yang dimiliki ESTP adalah kelemahan yang gw punyak-_-

The Doer

As an ESTP, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion. Your secondary mode is internal, where you deal with things rationally and logically.
ESTPs are outgoing, straight-shooting types. Enthusiastic and excitable, ESTPs are "doers" who live in the world of action. Blunt, straight-forward risk-takers, they are willing to plunge right into things and get their hands dirty. They live in the here-and-now, and place little importance on introspection or theory. The look at the facts of a situation, quickly decide what should be done, execute the action, and move on to the next thing.
ESTPs have an uncanny ability to perceive people's attitudes and motivations. They pick up on little cues which go completely unnoticed by most other types, such as facial expressions and stance. They're typically a couple of steps ahead of the person they're interacting with. ESTPs use this ability to get what they want out of a situation. Rules and laws are seen as guidelines for behavior, rather than mandates. If the ESTP has decided that something needs to be done, then their "do it and get on with it" attitude takes precendence over the rules. However, the ESTP tends to have their own strong belief in what's right and what's wrong, and will doggedly stick to their principles. The Rules of the Establishment may hold little value to the ESTP, but their own integrity mandates that they will not under any circumstances do something which they feel to be wrong.
ESTPs have a strong flair for drama and style. They're fast-moving, fast-talking people who have an appreciation for the finer things in life. They may be gamblers or spendthrifts. They're usually very good at story telling and improvising. They typically makes things up as they go along, rather than following a plan. They love to have fun, and are fun people to be around. They can sometimes be hurtful to others without being aware of it, as they generally do not know and may not care about the effect their words have on others. It's not that they don't care about people, it's that their decision-making process does not involve taking people's feelings into account. They make decisions based on facts and logic.
ESTP's least developed area is their intuitive side. They are impatient with theory, and see little use for it in their quest to "get things done". An ESTP will occasionally have strong intuitions which are often way off-base, but sometimes very lucid and positive. The ESTP does not trust their instincts, and is suspicious of other people's intuition as well.
The ESTP often has trouble in school, especially higher education which moves into realms where theory is more important. The ESTP gets bored with classes in which they feel they gain no useful material which can be used to get things done. The ESTP may be brilliantly intelligent, but school will be a difficult chore for them.
The ESTP needs to keep moving, and so does well in careers where he or she is not restricted or confined. ESTPs make extremely good salespersons. They will become stifled and unhappy dealing with routine chores. ESTPs have a natural abundance of energy and enthusiasm, which makes them natural entrepreneurs. They get very excited about things, and have the ability to motivate others to excitement and action. The can sell anyone on any idea. They are action-oriented, and make decisions quickly. All-in-all, they have extraordinary talents for getting things started. They are not usually so good at following through, and might leave those tasks to others. Mastering the art of following through is something which ESTPs should pay special attention to.
ESTPs are practical, observant, fun-loving, spontaneous risk-takers with an excellent ability to quickly improvise an innovative solution to a problem. They're enthusiastic and fun to be with, and are great motivators. If an ESTP recognizes their real talents and operates within those realms, they can accomplish truly exciting things. 

Whether you're a young adult trying to find your place in the world, or a not-so-young adult trying to find out if you're moving along the right path, it's important to understand yourself and the personality traits which will impact your likeliness to succeed or fail at various careers. It's equally important to understand what is really important to you. When armed with an understanding of your strengths and weaknesses, and an awareness of what you truly value, you are in an excellent position to pick a career which you will find rewarding.
ESTPs generally have the following traits:
  • Action-oriented
  • Live in the present moment
  • Dislike abstract theory without practical application
  • Like to see immediate results for their efforts
  • Fast-paced and energetic
  • Flexible and adaptable
  • Resourceful
  • Seldom work from a plan - make things up as they go
  • Fun to be around
  • Highly observant
  • Excellent memory for details
  • Excellent people skills
  • Good-natured
  • Excellent ability to see an immediate problem and quickly devise a solution
  • Attracted to adventure and risk
  • May be flashy or showy
  • Like initiating things - not necessarily following them through to completion
ESTPs have some advantageous traits which are unique to their personality type. Their skills of observation make them extremely good at correctly analyzing and assessing other peoples' motives or perspectives. Their people skills allow them to use this knowledge to their advantage while interacting with people. For this reason, ESTPs are excellent salespeople. They also have a special ability to react quickly and effectively to an immediate need, such as in an emergency or crisis situation. This is a valuable skill in many different professions, perhaps most notably in action-oriented professions, such as police work. ESTPs enjoy new experiences and dealing with people, and dislike being confined in structured or regimented environments. They also want to see an immediate result for their actions, and don't like dealing with a lot of high-level theory where that won't be the case. For these reasons, they should choose careers which involve a lot of interaction with people, and do not require performing a lot of routine, detailed tasks.
The following list of professions is built on our impressions of careers which would be especially suitable for an ESTP. It is meant to be a starting place, rather than an exhaustive list. There are no guarantees that any or all of the careers listed here would be appropriate for you, or that your best career match is among those listed.

Possible Career Paths for ESTP:
   Sales Representatives
   Marketing Personnel
   Police / Detective Work
   Paramedic / Emergency Medical Technician
   PC Technicians or Network Cablers
   Computer Technical Support

ESTP Relationships

ESTPs are gregarious and fun-loving individuals who want to make the most of every moment. They love action, and always seem to be doing something. This enthusiasm is carried over to their personal relationships, which they approach with the desire to make the most of their relationships on a daily basis. They tend to get bored easily, and may be prone to switching relationships frequently unless they find an outlet for their boredom elsewhere. They approach life on a day-by-day basis, so long-term commitments are not naturally comfortable for the ESTP. They may feel tremendously committed, but they want to take their commitments day by day.

ESTP Strengths

  • Can be quite charming
  • Witty, clever, and popular
  • Earthy and sensual
  • Not personally threatened by conflict or criticism
  • Excellent and clear-headed dealing with emergency situations
  • Enthusiastic and fun-loving, they try to make everything enjoyable
  • As "big kids" themselves, they're eager, willing and able to spend time with their kids
  • Likely to enjoy lavishing their loved ones with big gifts (both a strength and a weakness)

ESTP Weaknesses

  • Not naturally in tune with what others are feeling
  • Not naturally good at expressing feelings and emotions
  • May inadvertantly hurt others with insensitive language
  • May be very good with money, but highly risky with it as well
  • Living in the present, they're not usually good long-range planners
  • May fall into the habit of ignoring conflict, rather than solving it
  • Don't naturally make lifelong commitments - they take things one day at a time
  • Prone to get bored easily
  • More likely than other type to leave relationships quickly when they get bored
  • Likely to enjoy lavishing their loved ones with big gifts (both a strength and a weakness)

ESTPs as Lovers

"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." -- Rollo May
ESTPs are enthusiastic and friendly people who approach everything in a Big way. They can be extremely charming, especially in the beginning of a relationship. They're also quite generous, and known for "sweeping their partners off their feet". They're very sensual and earthy, and are usually live fast-paced lives where their focus is on the present moment. They bring a lot of fun and energy into their personal relationships.
Commitment is not a strong point for the ESTP. Living almost entirely in the present moment, they're not comfortable with making plans far in advance for their future. If this tendency is not addressed in the ESTP, they may fall into a pattern of jumping from relationship to relationship without ever making a real commitment. If this is okay with the ESTP, then that behavior is fine. Most people at some point in their lives do wish to settle down. If the ESTP reaches that point, there's no reason they can't make a commitment as long as they consciously renew it to themselves daily.
Sexually, the ESTP approaches intimacy as a tangible, fun way to make the most of the relationship in the present moment. They're keenly aware of their senses, and so are very sensual and earthy lovers. They are likely to view intimacy from a lighter, physical perspective rather than as an opportunity for expressing a lot of verbal affection and affirmation. If partnered with someone who has the Feeling preference, they should consciously make the effort to sometimes verbally express affection during intimacy.
ESTP's are not naturally in tune with what others are feeling, and may lack in the areas of giving affirmation, gratitude, and support to their partners. They tend to believe that actions speak louder than words, and so don't understand the need to say things which should be obvious. Types with the Feeling preference require positive feedback in a way that ESTPs don't. The best gift that the ESTP partner can give to their Feeling mate is often the expression of their love.
Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, ESTP's natural partner is the ISFJ, or the ISTJ. ESTP's dominant function of Extraverted Sensing is best matched with a personality type that is dominated by Introverted Sensing. How did we arrive at this?

ESTPs as Parents

"You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth...
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable." -- Kahlil Gibran
There is a little bit of kid in every grown-up ESTP, so they're likely to really enjoy spending time "playing" with their children. The ESTP's goal with regards to parenthood is usually not structured or organized. They tend to take things as they come, and teach their kids what seems appropriate when situations occur. The ESTP is enthusiastic about both teaching their children and learning from them. They're likely to value their kids as individuals, and allow them to have their own voices in the family unit.
The ESTP doesn't believe that they have all the answers. They believe that many things in life have no obvious answer. They tend to be very down to earth individuals who do not believe that they're better than others, or that they have some great voice of authority within them. Therefore, they're likely to be their children's friend and companion more than a disciplinary guide. However, the ESTP will not have a problem with issuing punishment and discipline when necessary. But, the ESTP has such easy-going ways that they're not likely to see the need for discipline as frequently as some other types do. This may be a point of contention between the ESTP and their mate.
Highly practical and quick-acting, the ESTP is excellent to have around in an emergency. They're tuned in to everyday needs, and are likely to be good providers of practical care. They will not be overly expressive of their feelings for their children, and may be gruff and unnatural when expressing love.
In general, ESTPs are enthusiastic parents who usually form strong bonds of friendship with their offspring.

ESTPs as Friends

ESTPs are very good with people. They have excellent skills of observation, and know how to act appropriately with all types of people. Consequently, the ESTP can get along with just about any personality type.
The ESTP is not likely to choose to be around all of the personality types. They have little patience for iNtuitive Thinking types, who seem very abstract and theoretical to the ESTP, who values action. The ESTP is likely to choose to be around people who have similar interests to their own - such as sports-oriented interests. They will probably spend time with their friends doing things, rather than just sitting around hanging out.
The ESTP is usually quite popular, because they're enthusiastic, fast-paced, friendly, talkative, and know how to have a good time. Some ESTPs tend to "move on" quickly in life, and don't form very long friendships. Many ESTPs have lifelong friends, because although they take life day by day, they feel tremendous loyal and "brotherhood" towards their peers. They're highly valued by their friends for their fun-loving natures and loyalty.

Ada satu poin ENFP yg cocok buat gw : gw punya kebiasaan 'menyendiri' ketika sedang merasa tidak cocok dengan lingkungan, meskipun gw ekstrovert. Tapi, poin lainnya banyak yang kurang cocok : gw gak terlalu sensitif, dan kurang suka menunjukkan perasaan, sedangkan itu 2 karakter kuat ENFP. 

Sedangkan seluruh penggambaran ESTP cocok buat gw... tapi tetep aja sih gw gak keberatan untuk sendirian, suatu hal yang kayaknya ESTP kok keberatan.

Betewe, saran karir untuk ESTP asik asik banget mahahaha.

Yaudadeh, apapun kata MBTI yang penting gw tetep kalem.  

Senin, 18 Mei 2015

Palingan Patah Lagi

Semua orang seumuran gw pasti pernah patah hati kan ya.

Gw masih 18 tahun, tapi ada satu patah yang rasanya sakit banget. Bukan, bukan sama cowok yang gw sukai pertama kali.

Awalnya, gw sekelas sama ini orang di kelas 11. He's such a cheesy guy. Waktu itu dia punya cewek, jadi gw tau. Karena gw dibesarkan dengan kedua orangtua yang skeptis dengan hal romantis, gw pun berpikir gitu. Geli anjir. Dia suap-suapan sama pacarnya depan kelas aja bikin gw mau muntah.

Kelas 12, dia putus. Gw gak paham lah ceritanya gimana, gw emang udah terlanjur agak aneh ngeliat cowok seperti dia. Seperti yang gw tulis di atas, dia cheesy abis. Tapi, kami jadi dekat. Kenapa? Gw juga gak inget. Entah gimana, tiba-tiba kita sering ngobrol, sering SMSan, telponan, dan sebagainya.

Yang bikin gw terharu adalah dia tau gw suka baca buku, dan dia jadi ngajak gw ke toko buku terus, padahal gw tau banget dia gak segitu sukanya sama buku. Ya emang baca, tapi gak segila gw. It's kinda sweet. Gw sering jalan, cerita, ketawa-tawa, ya biasa lah. Kali ini, gw yakin ini bukan sekedar teman. Gw sadar, ketika lo jadi bagian cerita-cerita manis itu, lo gak ngerasa itu semua menggelikan.

Kemudian, gw mulai sibuk acara SMA gw. Hampir setiap hari gw rapat, gak bisa main bareng, gak pernah cerita-cerita lagi. Gw sadar gw mulai terjauhi dari dia.

Kabar baiknya adalah, setelah pensi berakhir, dia jadi balik ke semula. Tetapi, gw sadar, ternyata ketika gw sibuk, dia deket sama salah seorang temen deket gw. Gw bingung. Lah kok jadi gini. Semuanya jadi gak bagus. Yang anehnya adalah, dia dan temen deket gw menjauh, dan gw sama dia deket lagi. Masa-masa main itu balik lagi, ngobrol, ketawa, dan segalanya.

Harusnya gw udah tau. Dia deketin temen gw, gitu. Terus ngejauh lagi, dan tiba-tiba sama gw lagi. Biasanya gw gak goblok-goblok amat, tapi karena kelamaan gak punya gebetan, gw gak bisa liat itu semua.

2014 dateng. Mulai lagi kericuhan lain : kuliah dan UN. Semakin menjauh dari 1 Januari, semakin jauh pula gw dari dia. Kita on-off gitu. Kadang dia ngilang, terus muncul. Gw bingung. Gw gak bisa memulai sesuatu duluan. Gw cuma nunggu. Gw bertanya-tanya, tapi gak berani nanya. Paham banget kalo gw naksir dia, tapi sifat dasar gw menahan untuk mengkonfrontasi dia.

Barulah gw tau. Dia ketemu cewek lain. Cewek lebih cantik, lebih manis, dan yang paling parah : lebih perhatian. Sangat nyakitin ketika salah seorang temen gw bilang, "Dia bakal nyari yang paling perhatian sama dia, Ting, sedangkan lu orangnya cuek. Lagian cewek yang baru ngelakuin segalanya buat dia, dan lo nggak. Dia mau rapi, mau cantik, buat dia, sedangkan lo nggak."

Gw bukan cewek polos. Dia bukan orang yang gw sukai untuk pertama kalinya. Sebelumnya gw pernah tertolak juga. Tapi, yang ini... setelah tahu kenyataannya, sakit banget. Gw gak ngerti kenapa. Ini pertama kalinya rasa gw dua arah. Ketika sinyal dari dia ilang, gw ngerasa... black out.

Ketika milih universitas untuk SNMPTN, gw banting setir ke TI ITS. Gw gak bilang siapa-siapa, kecuali ada yang tanya, yang bisa dibilang jarang karena pada saat itu gw udah deklarasi ke satu angkatan mau ngambil FK di salah satu PTN (kan harus sikut-sikutan, takut diambil sama yang lain). Gw cuma bilang ke Irfan, soalnya dia mau daftar TI ITS jugak. Gw pesimis keterima waktu itu, akan tetapi gw pikir, "Ini momen yang bagus buat kabur kalo ternyata gw keterima."

Dan gw orang beruntung. Dia nggak. Gw hendak cabut ke Surabaya, dia tetep disini. Gw memutus semua kontak dari dia. Gw hapus akun, gw berusaha fokus ke hal lain, tapi sulit. Gw udah gak inget lagi masa-masa itu, tapi yang gw tau adalah gw males ke sekolah, males jalan bareng temen SMA. Gw gak mau ketemu dia.

Pas gw berangkat kesini, barulah gw kontak intensif lagi sama temen-temen SMA. Gw masuk grup chatting SMA lagi, 2 minggu setelah gw disini. Yang aneh, rasa sedih dan suka gw berkurang terlalu drastis. Mungkin karena jarak yang jauh dan fokus yang berbeda, juga gw tenggelem sama temen-temen baru pulak di ITS.

Sekali dia pernah ngontak, tapi gw malah bingung, akhirnya malah gak kegubris. Gw makin lupa dengan patah hati yang gw rasakan. Bahkan, ketika reunian pas liburan kemaren, rasa-rasa yang dulu ada gak bersisa sama sekali. Namun, meski rasa suka udah hilang, gw menyadari gw berubah.

Dulu, gw gampang banget suka sama orang. Kalo gw deket sama satu cowok aja, pasti gw suka. Sekarang udah nggak. Kayak, apa ya? Gw punya semacam kesadaran kalo gw itu gak pantes disukai sama cowok. Gw bukan yang perhatian, kalo ngomong nyablak, sama sekali gak rapi, kerjanya ngumpat mulu, gak manis, bukan girlfriend material pokoknya. Pola pikir ini, sangat gw sadari, menghindari gw buat menyukai seorang cowok dalam konteks asmara. Gw menolak patah hati lagi dengan alasan yang sama seperti patah yang terakhir. Gw gak mau gw ditinggal lagi karena sebab yang sama.

Cewek yang sama sedengnya kayak gw adalah Hannah. Beberapa hari yang lalu, dia bilang sambil bercanda, "Ada gak sih sebenernya cowok yang mau sama cewek yang gak jaim? Gw gak bisa jaim, Sar."  Hannah emang rada-rada gelo, dan gw gak kalah sintingnya sama dia.

"Suatu saat, kali, Han," jawab gw sok keren. "Palingan ntar lu ketemu sama jodoh lu langsung, kaga pacaran-pacaran dulu. Orang yang mau nerima lu apa adanya."

Padahal nih ya, sampai detik ini gw nulis, gw sih nggak yakin emang beneran ada cowok yang mau nerima apa adanya. Pasti gw harus berubah. Karena cowok baik kan maunya sama cewek baik. Kalo gw keparat, cowoknya keparat juga, terus gw patah hati lagi deh.

Nggak, gw nulis gini bukan untuk dapet pujian, "Lo baik kok, Sar," atau, "Lo gak sejelek yang lo pikir kok." Gw sangat sadar gw gak cantik, dan gw gak baik. Gw sangat sadar, begitu wajar kalo gak ada yang suka sama gw karena kelakuan gw yang miring, yang suka jeblak, yang jutek, yang doyan misuh. Gw cuma pengen bertanya ke diri sendiri, lewat ketikan panjang ini, kapan ya gw bisa menyukai seseorang tanpa ada batin di belakang otak, "Palingan patah lagi,"?

Kamis, 14 Mei 2015

Pagi-pagi malah mikir

Suatu malam, gw ngelayap makan penyetan barengan sama Zuyyina, Adam, dan Fauzan. Gw lupa itu darimana, pokoknya kita ngelayap. Mereka bertiga adalah temen kuliah gw di TI ITS.
Sambil makan dan ngalorngidurngobrol, entah gimana kita sampe ke pembicaraan soal sahabat. Sahabat yang kita punya di TI ITS.

FYI, gw jadi sekretaris angkatan gw untuk OSPEK. Biasa deh, ngurus ngurus surat ijin, absen, dan kawan-kawan, that kind of stuff. Selain sekretaris, angkatan gw juga punya ketua (yg biasa disebut komting), wakil ketua (yg biasa disebut wakomting), bendahara, dan ketua kelompok (jadi, angkatan gw dibagi jadi 13 kelompok dengan 1 pendamping senior). Digabung, namanya jadi perangkat.

Nah, perangkat ini sempet ada stigma kalo kita itu mengeksklusifkan diri. Gw gak tau sih ini kata-kata dari mana. Padahal boro-boro jadi eksklusif, yang ada jadi babu. Gak tau sih, tapi mungkin budaya disini beda sama Tangerang, semuanya dibawa perasaan, ngeliat sebuah kelompok langsung dikatakan nge-gap. Lah kok malah gw jadi yang bawa perasaan.

Dengan kata-kata 'sok eksklusif', gw jadi takut. Jangan-jangan gw emang suka jaga jarak? Padahal, di SMA, gw dikenal sebagai anak supel yang gak bisa digolongkan. Kenapa pas kuliah gw malah dikata eksklusif? Akhirnya, gw jadi berusaha gimana ceritanya bisa berteman dengan semua orang (bayangin aja, gw mendekati 140 orang sekaligus). Huh. Ternyata pandangan orang terhadap gw itu mempengaruhi sikap gw.

Terus, apa hubungannya tulisan gw di atas dengan penyetan? Oke, jadi gw pernah nangis di depan angkatan gw. Ya biasa lah ya di OSPEK, capek gitu loh. Gw lagi kelelahan, kebablasan curhat lah pokoknya.

Lalu, Zuyyina bilang, "Aku gak bisa, Sar, kayak kamu. Yang terbuka sama semua orang."

Lah gw bingung lah nanggepinnya. "Haah? Emangnya aku terbuka sama semura orang?"
"Iya, yang kamu nangis depan anak-anak itu lho."
Gw bingung. Lalu, Adam bantu ngejelasin.
"Iya Sar, jadi kamu bisa open up perasaan kamu gitu lho ke orang-orang. Tapi, Zuyyi gabisa. Gitu kan Zu?"
Zuyyina mengangguk, dan pembicaraan berlanjut.

Tapi, sebenernya ada satu hal yang belum bisa gw temuin di Surabaya ini. Ketika gw bisa gabung sama siapa saja di angkatan gw buat main, it's kinda fun. Tapi, gw belum bisa nemuin orang yang gw jadiin tujuan lari. Kayak yang Robin bilang ke Lily di HIMYM, 'ketika hal yang serius, gw akan berbelok ke elu," semacam itu lah.

Kayak... apa ya? Orang yang tanpa harus ngorek elu, tanpa harus ngebujuk elu, ya lo pengen aja cerita ke mereka. Orang yang muncul di kepala pertama kali ketika lo pengen ngelakuin suatu hal. Orang yang, dengan lo tuker lirik aja, bisa memahami sesuatu. Orang yang, karena lo kebanyakan share sama dia, punya inside joke dan... entah deh. Gw jadi bingung sendiri.

Setelah gw baca tulisan di atas... kok gw jadi kayak nulisin deskripsi sahabat yang cheesy banget, ya? Tapi, dulu gw punya sahabat dekat, dan gw bener-bener ngerasain hal itu, hal yang gw belum rasain disini.

Dulu, dulu banget, gak dulu banget sih masih semester kemaren. Gw pernah cerita ke satu orang tentang perasaan gw. Tentang... betapa gw lelah, betapa gw butuh orang sepeti yg gw deskripsiin di atas, orang yang waktu SMP, SMA, gw masih punya... tapi gw kehilangan mereka akibat jarak. Lalu, dia bilang, "Maaf ya, aku gak tau harus jawab apa." kampret. Itu jawaban gw sebelumnya ketika kemaren dia curhat dan gw gak bisa jawab.

Terus, dia bilang, "Aku bingung, sebenernya kamu mau apa sih? Mau temen? Temen ada banyak disini."
Nah lho gw bingung sendiri. "Gimana, ya... temennya beda gitu. Yang emang ngerti aku banget."
"Lah kalo gitu ya kamu buka diri aja."
"Tapi susah."
"Lagian, emangnya kita kuliah bakalan ketemu orang kayak gitu lagi, ya?" dia nanya. Gw pikir dia nyindir gw, tapi setelah gw perhatiin, dia bener-bener mikir.
"Lho, kehidupan kita di ITS masih kayak anak sekolah," jawab gw. "Cewek-cewek itu, cowok-cowok itu, mereka bisa punya sahabat, kenapa aku gak bisa?"
"Ya masuk akal sih," kata dia.

Tapi, gw malah jadi kepikiran kata-kata itu malem ini. Apakah ketika gw kuliah, gw gak bakal ketemu orang yang kayak gitu lagi? Gak bakal punya sahabat lagi?

Apa ini artinya gw udah masuk ke kehidupan sebenernya, ketika setiap manusia di sekitar gw udah punya tujuan masing-masing, gak liat ke kanan kiri lagi, gak peduli lagi? Atau, apa ini berarti gw masih kekanak-kanakan, masih butuh orang lain, butuh rekan kayak anak sekolahan?

Gw gak tau. Luruskan gw, tolong.

Selasa, 28 April 2015

Hari Bodoh Sedunia

Sehabis kuis Kalkulus, gw sama Ivan mau pergi beli perdana buat modem gw. "Eh, Sar, kita pergi ke Tekfis dulu yak." (jurusan Teknik Fisika maksudnya)
"Lah ngapain dah?"
"Mau ketemu dosen gw."

Ini aneh, soalnya seinget gw anak Industri gak punya pelajarannya Tekfis semester ini, tapi gw ngikut aja.

"Ini sekre Tekfis dimana, dah?" Ivan nanya setelah kita muter-muter.
"Dih mana gw tau, lu mau ngapain sih emang?" tanya gw.
"Mau ketemu dosen kan gw udah bilang."
"Lah dosen apedeuh?"
Gw manggut-manggut. "Oalaah, gitu. Dosen Fisika gw sih dari jurusan Fisika, gak Tekfis."
"Ya bilang lah dosen Fisika dari jurusan Fisika!Ini udah keliling jauh-jauh taunya salah kampret!"
"Dih keparat amat lu dah yang goblok elu kenapa gw yang disalahin?!" sambil ketawa-tawa akhirnya kita cabut ke Sakinah, supermarket serba-ada-agak-mahal-tapinyah buat beli modem, soalnya Ivan udah keburu BT gegara muter jauh-jauh dan gak ada hasil.

Abis beli modem, gw sama Ivan cabut dan gw ngasih kartu parkir. Terus satpamnya bengong. Gw bengong juga.
"Itu perdana lu, goblok, bukan kartu parkir," Ivan ngasih tau.

Ini anak emang anjing banget dah, pantesan dipanggil Ivanjing. Akhirnya gw ngasih kartu parkir dengan celaan Ivan sepanjang hari. Lah yang koplak dia yang disalahin gw dah :))

Sorenya, di asrama, dia SMS gw. "Dompet lu peak." lah gw bingung kan. Gw cek tas, dompet gw gak ada. Ternyata, kata Ivan itu dompet gw taro di helm.

Hari ini gw melakukan banyak hal bego. Kayaknya gara-gara dua hari ini gw makan mecin terus deh. Atau efek abis kuis Kalkulus, jadinya koleng, entahlah.

Minggu, 26 April 2015

Gosip di Malam Hari

Hari Jumat malem kemaren, gw nonton The Avengers : Age of Ultron bareng Fauzan, Gery, Icha, Faiz, dan Rizal. Lima kata : THIS MOVIE IS FREAKING AWEH-SAAAWM!

Tapi ada sucky part nya. Menurut gw, Age of Ultron sangat-sangat keren dan lucu dan hilarious dan jenius dkk dll dsb, tapi lawakannya itu kan lawakan barat. Karena gw TERLALU BANYAK nonton sitkom dan film Barat, jadi gw paham lawakannya, tapi orang Indonesia umumnya nggak. Kalo gw ngutip kata-kata Ismi, "Lawakan orang luar mah gak lucu dibandingin sama acara lawak Indonesia, meski acara lawak Indonesia emang masih rasis dan agak bego gitu."

Jadi, malam itu, gw dan Fauzan (yang, sepengetahuan gw, nonton karya Barat sebanyak gw) doang yg ngakak satu studio, sedangkan orang lain biasa aja. Terus, Fauzan sadar dia ngakak banget, jadi dia sok jaim, sedangkan gw gak sadar, jadi gw tetep jadi orang dengan kakakan (apa sih kata dasarnya 'ngakak'? Asli gw udah mikir dari tahun jebot tapi masih kaga nemu jawabannya apaan) paling gede se studio.

Kejadian serupa juga kejadian waktu gw nonton Spongebob The Movie. Mungkin next time gw nonton film di bioskop, gw jait mulut dulu kali yak biar gak ngakak-ngakak amat.

Setelah nonton ria, kami ke McD buat makan....... yang berujung pada gosip. Sampe tinggal berempat : gw, Fauzan, Icha, Gery. We sure talk a lot. Dan gw jadi mikir.

Prinsip yang gw pegang sekarang di kampus yang berhubungan dengan lawan jenis adalah : gak boleh pacar-pacaran, suka-sukaan untuk sekarang. I'm too dumb to handle that kind of thing. Lagian, pelajaran terakhir udah ngasih sakit hati yang cukup banyak dan gw rasa bikin kebal terhadap apa yang sebenernya ada di depan gw.

Yang harus diinget untuk kalian para pemuda pemudi yang lagi suka sama orang : baik bukan berarti flirting. Bisa aja doi nganggep lo sebagai sahabat baik, temen yang bikin nyaman. Dia baik, perhatian, ngasih bantuan, bukan berarti dia lagi PDKT sama lo. Yaudah sih itu aja.

Ohiya, gw abis nonton 17 Again, dan ada satu quote yang kayaknya cocok untuk semua remaja-mau-dewasa kayak kita kita ginih.

When you're young everything feels like the end of the world. But it's not; it's just the beginning. You might have to meet a few more jerks, but one day you're gonna meet a boy who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Like the sun rises and sets with you.
- Mike O'Donnel, 17 Again

Jadi... karena doi gak naksir balik, bukan berarti dunia berakhir. Ingat, masa depan bukan cuma tentang dengan siapa nanti lo mengarungi kehidupan, tapi juga tentang kehidupan macam apa yang lo mau jalanin nanti.


Most nights, I don't know anymore

Senin, 13 April 2015


Paling brengsek itu, kalo lo nyuruh orang lain untuk gak egois, tapi lo ninggalin dia akhirnya karena keegoisan lo sendiri.

Paling brengsek itu, kalo lo bilang ke orang lain mereka bisa ngerjain apa yang mereka mau tanpa harus melepaskan apa yang pengen mereka lepaskan, tapi lo toh akhinrnya ngelepas juga yang lo lakukan karena lo ngerjain apa yang lo mau.

Sangat sulit untuk gw nerima orang yang nyuruh gw gak egois, terus akhirnya ninggalin gw juga. Bullshit.

Minggu, 12 April 2015


Sebagian besar orang yang gw kenal kurang mengenal kesendirian. Mereka menganggap menyendiri itu menyedihkan, padahal nggak juga.

Hal yang gw suka dari jaman SMA (meski sekarang jarang gw jalankan karena keterbatasan kendaraan) adalah cabut sendiri. Makan di restoran sendiri sambil baca buku yang bagus, keliling liat-liat mall sendirian, berdiri di toko buku sendirian. Berada di tengah keramaian tanpa ada yang mengenal diri lo itu sangat-sangat menyenangkan, menurut pendapat pribadi gw. Gak ada yang tau siapa nama gw, seperti apa karakter gw, dan menyimpan sebuah opini di kepala mereka tentang gw, menebak kira-kira gw mau ngapain. Yang orang-orang itu tau adalah gw seorang figuran di latar kehidupan mereka yang berbahagia, figuran yang sendirian.

Sebenernya, yang menyedihkan itu bukanlah ketika lo memutuskan untuk sendirian. Tetapi, ketika lo di tengah keramaian dan ngerasa sendirian, NAH itu baru sedih. Karena gw adalah ekstrovert sejati, gw selalu ketawa haha hihi dan gak bisa diem ketika ada orang lain, bahkan ketika sebenernya otak penuh dengan kejengkelan, kegetiran, dan kemarahan.

Yang menyedihkan adalah lo ngerasa sendirian, ketika orang-orang yang lo anggap adalah orang terdekat dalam hidup lo saat itu sedang bercanda tertawa di sekitar lo, dan lo memasang wajah ceria, tapi nggak hati lo. Yang menyedihkan adalah lo ngerasa sendirian, ketika bahkan lagu Andra and The Backbone yang jadi latar di sekitar aja gak kedengeran lagi, tersumbat oleh pikiran sendiri. Yang menyedihkan adalah orang-orang gak bisa ngeliat kalo lo sebenernya miserable, dan lo cuma bisa numpuk semua perasaan itu sendirian, sampe suatu saat nanti meledak, dan mereka berpikir, apaan sih ni orang, cengeng amat., padahal sebenernya itu adalah luapan dari seluruh buah batin lo selama ini. Yang menyedihkan adalah lo sebenernya udah berusaha untuk mengungkapkan apa yang lidah pengen ucapkan, namun pada akhirnya yang keluar adalah gosip-gosip gak penting, kata-kata ngelantur goblok yang menjadi pengalih atas apa yang sejujurnya mau lo ceritakan.

Sungguh beruntung ketika lo menemukan seseorang yang bisa menarik lo dari rasa sendirian ketika lo di tengah keramaian. Kalau lo udah menemukannya, gw iri sama lo. Sumpah.